When the Real Meaning is down Deep
by MasterFranny
Summary: [TalaKai] [Tala POV] [After Third World Tournament] Tala feels confused as to why he's following Kai for no particular reason.


**MasterFranny:** I wanted to thank all the nice people who reviewed my fics until now, the BETA Readers, old and new, and I thought that posting this would be nice. This is dedicated to all of you, people who read, people who reviewed, BETAs, everyone.

Pretty Shounen-ai TalaKai; settle right after Kai's fight against Tyson at the third World Tournament.

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**Rating**: K+

**Summary:** Tala POV when he realizes he's following Kai for no particular reason…

**Warning:** this contains Shounen-ai

**Disclaimer**: I don't own. Otherwise there wouldn't be a second season like the one we had and there would be a side season filled with yaoi...

"Talking"

'_Thinking'_

"(Talking into other languages)"

/dreams sequences, flashbacks, memories/

**When the Real Meaning is down Deep**

**One-Shot (Tala POV)**

So, the battle ended. The result? Well, obviously Tyson was the one who won. None of them, none of **us**, would have believed it to be any different.

What words really mean -Tyson was clear in his speech, he stated all that was needed. It didn't matter how hard it could be to actually accept it, there was nothing better than losing to understand a simple statement, and the cold Phoenix knew it.

Friends... what does this word mean?

Tyson said he wanted badly to win the tournament -again: but so did I, and Kai too. And I think the same can be said for the Americans, the Chinese, the Europeans, the Spanish and my fellow Russians. All us bladers wanting the same thing.

So what could make Tyson any different from us all? Why his strength was so fierce to beat even the almighty Hiwatari Kai, when he used all his power against the Japanese blader?

Kai did his best, he fought with all his might, and still, he didn't stand a chance.

Friendship... I still can't understand. Dragoon's master said something about bringing his friends' dreams with him, that his victory was also theirs, for how much he was the champion, winning meant more to him because they won with him.

He said Max, Ray and the others fought together with him forwards the cup and the World Champion Title. That their strengths were united to form some sort of connection that no one could ever break.

I think he wanted to say that he would carry on his dream as well as ours, to show the real meaning of…

Friendship.

Maybe that's it: Friendship.

Rely on others, trusting them with your dreams and hopes, knowing they will never fail you.

Kai couldn't understand this, he still can't -neither can I.

I can't say I had a good childhood; I lived all my life in the Abbey, training to be the very best, trying to become the greatest blader of them all.

Every single day I repeated over and over to myself I would endure the pain, endure the humiliations, endure the sufferance, if only to be able to claim I am the very best.

And still, this title will and will always be Tyson's, because he's the real hero in all this stuff. I and Kai always fought alone, no matter what: cold, emotionless, each one standing by himself, relying only in himself, not trusting the other to be as great as we thought we were.

Or maybe thinking that trusting would made us weaker.

The American, Rick, was like us, and still, Max from the Japanese former team managed to open his shell, and they had become friends.

Maybe that's what we lacked of -a help; someone who could help us open up. Tyson never really tried, neither with me nor with Kai: he resigned after some time, believing he managed to at least build a friendship, that we would need some time to adjust ourselves.

It's not that easy, you see. An entire life alone, being taught that loneliness comes together with power, fighting to stay alive another day, gritting teeth to not fall under the pressure of the pain; it is damn hard to forget: we needed to be trusted and needed to trust in return.

None could really understand us -not that we asked for help, we're not capable of that, seeing we can't show or even _feel_ emotions apart from anger and hatred. I don't know what changed into me to start thinking the way I'm doing now: it's so strange and confusing at the same time, and the worst is that it hurts. It hurts to realize all your life was spent in vain, searching for something you will never reach, searching for a power that can't be given to you. It hurts to realize no one really tried with us, and that we never gave them the opportunity to do that.

Mistakes and bad decisions in the end turned against me, against Kai. We ended up alone, like it was fated to be.

But at least, hurt is a different emotion from rage and hate.

And since we never really tried to be understood, then maybe it's our fault. But as I close my eyes, I can't seem to feel it was really us: it wasn't our fault if we grew up like we did, it wasn't our fault if the life inside the Abbey had been so hard. Neither is the others' fault anyway. It's just something that happened, and the real fault is Boris' and Voltaire's.

Tyson couldn't teach us how to feel again, no one can. There is no reason to feel desperate for this; there is no reason to feel at all.

So what's this feeling?

As I stared amazed at Kai's fight against Tyson, his eternal rival, I started to feel something. It had begun before, that day Kai appeared at the harbour in Russia, saying he decided to return with our team. I believed he would, one day or another, return to us where he belonged, and still, I couldn't understand why he belonged with us in first place.

He betrayed Boris, he betrayed the Abbey and still, I couldn't care less for it. Yes, I was angry at him, so angry I wanted to hit him, beat the hell out of him, my rage working better than words could… but why?

Why I was so furious?

Maybe it was because he betrayed us. The team. He was with me training all my childhood at the Abbey; he was with the Demolition Boys -our previous name. He of all people had to understand what it is to be like that, emotionless.

And he abandoned us to start a new life. Knowing he would never be able to. Knowing his past, our past, can't let us go… no matter what we try…

It's unnerving how much thinking of Kai can affect my rational mind now. It had never been like this before, never ever, but now it's different.

Since I saw him, his usual confident expression, his acting, I knew he was finally back.

We had never been friends, we just trained together, and I used him the same way he used me in this tournament; nothing was gained by any of us, and I keep asking me why I feel so satisfied now.

We didn't win.

We didn't become the champions.

So why my heart was beating so fast? Why looking at the wonderful battle the two were doing I can't help but feel excited?

It's the look in his eyes, the determined look that tells me he worked hard to become better than the Dragon; it's the way he acts, like nothing matters but the victory.

He too wasted a lot fighting, and that's why now he's gone somewhere to think; he realized how he lost so much time when it's obvious that for someone like him -like me- winning is not an option.

Tyson, his carefree nature, his childish acting, that's what a real champion must be. Someone who can link together the dreams and hopes of his friends, even of his rivals.

I think he had mine too after our first fight back in Russia, when I was in the Demolition Boys. He knew too well and he knew nothing at all at the same time.

I can't help but smile as I see him being hugged by his team mates and friends. And I can feel envious too... that's a surprise here, I can feel something new.

My eyes follow the retreating form of Kai, who also is envying Tyson, not showing in any way but his eyes betray his feelings to me; despite the appearance I'm a really good observer.

I block the urge to follow him: why would I? I can't care less for him -he's nothing to me. I'm not going to go on his heels. I'm not.

My mind tries to explain why I'm following him now. Why I try so desperately to run to him, bumping against the people who's trying to reach the new champion behind me. Why I feel so... hollow now.

My mind replies saying it's because we lost. It says it's because I want to hit Kai since it's _his_ fault we lost. It says I need to tell him what I really think of him...

But what exactly I think of him?

He's outside the stadium, and he's going right in a nearby park. My feet seem so heavy it's hard to keep his pace up, and I wonder why I feel so troubled right now: it's nothing, I mean, I'm only going to hit him or something, maybe yell -I still haven't decided yet.

I can even breathe his scent as I approach him in the grass, he didn't hear I was behind him; he's too deep in thought.

My fingers brush against his shoulder and he turns. His eyes are full of confusion and surprise, he can't understand why I'm here.

Oh, and, I was asking myself the same question.

As I look deep into his eyes, I know I'm going to do something. Hit him? Yell at him? I don't know, I feel my hand move towards his face and I have no control over it.

Then my mind reached some satisfying result: I will hit him. Punch him on his beautiful face so I will have my revenge -it's _his_ fault we lost: he was over too confident. It will be good to see his stupefied face as I hit him, the mere thought make me smile on the inside. Yeah, punch him, and tell him he's nothing but a failure...

It's amazingly how slow can my hand be... it won't hurt him if I hit him at this speed.

When my fingers brush his cheek slightly, his eyes widen in surprise, he was thinking I would hit him, and I must admit I'm astonished too. Wasn't I going to hit him!

I ran my fingers on his cheek, and I can't help but notice how soft it feels under my touch. As soft as silk...

His eyes meet mine and I feel my heart has gone wild. Crimson clashing against azure, causing me a strange twist of my stomach. I have a sudden need to do something else than brushing his face and I lean slowly towards him, our faces approaching...

My lips met his but I can't see it, I closed my eyes. A part of me asks what the heck am I doing, but no one listens -it's too good. His lips taste like strawberries, I can't pull away.

Nothing matters anymore, as long as I can keep tasting him, enjoying him, drink in his beauty…

I brush my tongue against his teeth and he gives me access, which I am grateful of -I want to taste him more. My hands grab his hips tightly and I pull his body against mine as I deepen the kiss, savouring his taste in delight.

He's tense against me but soon relaxes, his hands wrapping around my shoulders.

I hear him moan and I pull slightly away opening my eyes to look at him. He's such a breath-taking sight: he's blushing and blinking softly at me, and I lean down for another kiss, hungry of his taste. He complies and starts to respond, his tongue battling with mine.

When I finally pull away from him, he's panting and he's blushing crimson. He sure looks like an angel. I don't know what happened in these few minutes but I am positive I won't let this stop if I can.

He seems like he can't talk so I think it's me now.

But what can I say? How can I explain what I feel deep inside, when in first place I can't understand what's happening?

How can I explain him and myself why I kissed him?

"(You were hot back in the arena)" my voice stupidly says.

What the fuck, this came out _so_ wrong. First because I did not meant to say it, second because… well, because.

"(...?)" he stares at me raising one eyebrow.

I think he was waiting for something else. But I don't give a damn; I'm not good in this type of things.

What did he want, me to say I like him? That I don't think I can stay without him? That's not the truth... isn't it?

I can stay without him, I used to be alone all my life.

So why am I staring at him like a stupid now? Why on my lips still lingers his wonderful taste, why his eyes seem so beautiful to me? Why my heart is aching that way, trying to catch my attention?

"(I want you to stay)" I manage to stutter.

Why, I do _never_ stutter. But today is full of wonders and surprises, and not just for me.

"(What?)" he looks at me, still confused, but I swear I saw a flicker of the same emotions running into me pass through his eyes.

"(You were leaving again, I would never know where you went,)" I manage to say "(I don't want you to go away,)" I clear my throat -it's so damn difficult when you yourself don't know what you're trying to say. "(Don't leave, I can't let you)".

"(I… I don't want you to,)" he looks away, stupefied by what he's saying. "(I can't explain what's gotten into me, I want to go away, to think and train until I become stronger, but at the same it seems so wrong now, so... unfair)". He is now looking at me, begging me to understand, knowing I do. "(Tyson will always be one step ahead, no matter what I do… but I don't know what else to do)".

I have the sudden urge to hug him, to feel him pressed against my chest, to feel he's _here._

But I have to explain myself before. I need it. I try desperately to grab some coherent thought of this situation and turn it into a decent explanation, but it all seems to slip away from me.

Why should I stop him? It's his own choice to go. Just like mine is to disappear as well. We are used to train, no matter if the situation is desperate or if we will never be able to achieve our goal.

Maybe I waited too much because it seems like he decided to stop this awkward conversation as he turns away.

"(I can come with you)" I whisper, desperate to do something, toexplain myself, to stop him… I don't want to see him leave. "(I want to be with you now... I can't stand to know you're alone and away from me)".

It seems so stupid, what the hell am I saying, when I started to melt that way? It's not as if I want to protect him; from what? And, he's way too able to protect himself.

And still… I want to.

Then I begin to understand -the painful ache in my chest, the feeling of emptiness I felt.

It's all Kai's fault, but not in a bad way. It's just that, someway, somehow, he managed to get my heart. Seems like I have one, too.

I can't say the words; I'm not yet ready to, because I never felt that way for someone. And I know he's not ready to hear them yet.

"(You can,)" he tentatively whispers back, his face melting into an invisible smile as he turns back to me. "(It would be nice not to be… alone for once)".

I feel my lips stretch, and I frown trying to understand what my face is doing, but the answer it's in his eyes: I'm actually smiling. Little, hesitant, but it's there.

This day is getting stranger each moment passing by. First I stalk Kai and are up to punch him, instead ending up kissing him, then I start to act all mushy and now… But who cares?

Is he that important for me that I actually smiled hearing I could stay with him longer?

Maybe he is.

"(We have a lot of time to understand the meaning of this)" he breathes, as if reading my thoughts; he then hesitantly draws near and snuggle in my arms, leaning on my chest with his face hidden in my shirt.

This fucking bastard knows what I am going through, he's going through the same thing. Battling together as a team, training together as soldiers, enduring the pain, turning to different paths only to be reunited again, separated once more and in the end, back facing each other as team mates, maybe friends, maybe…

" We're not ready to say it, we're not ready to hear it ourselves but... that doesn't mean we can't try ".

I realize I know it. It was hard to even admit it to myself, it's strange to hear my mind saying these words, but I can't but admit they warm my heart.

One day, we will be ready, one day I will tell him what he's waiting me to say, what I'm waiting myself to say, what we're both waiting to feel ready to say.

What we developed ever since our first meeting, taking care of it during these years, which now blossomed…

That I L… the 'L' word him.

I lift his chin towards me meeting his eyes with mine again, and I lean over meeting his lips one more time.

In the meanwhile, as I wait, I can still hug him... and kiss him.

**(Third POV)**

Tala kissed Kai again, lips meeting in a chaste kiss, before tentatively move away; the younger boy leant on the older one, feeling somewhat safe as the red head circled him with his arms. He never experienced such thing, and still he liked it, and he knew Tala was feeling the same.

This was the start of something new, this was the start of a new part of their life, and they were both ready to face whatever thing that would come, with no fear.

Maybe this was the result of Tyson's ramblings about caring for each other, maybe he _did_ help somehow. Not helping them coming out of their loneliness, but making them realize, they could be alone… together.

Nor Kai or Tala, deep in their own thoughts, finally discovering the meaning of the word care, were aware of the pair of eyes set on them, as they narrowed and glared with hatred at them both...

**Owari**

……………………………………………

**MasterFranny:** So, how was it? I know the last part was unexpected, but still I thought it was a nice way to end it…

**Kai:** who was the scary person looking at us?

**MasterFranny: **you will need to take a guess, since this is a One-Shot and I will never reveal... though the truth is, me myself don't know… ehm…

Hope you liked and decide to review!


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